February 17, 2026
Built to Last: God's Blueprint for Healthy Relationships
Marriage and relationships can feel like hanging a picture frame on the wall - sometimes everything looks aligned up close, but when you step back, it's obviously crooked. Once you see it, you can't unsee it, and you know something needs to be adjusted. Many relationships today feel this way - not completely broken, but somehow out of sync and off-level.
Why Do Relationships Feel Out of Alignment?
When we rely solely on human instincts, selfishness, wounds, and control issues, healthy marriages become nearly impossible. Our natural tendencies work against the kind of love that creates lasting relationships. However, with God at the center, healthy marriages become not just possible, but designed to thrive.
Marriage wasn't created as a human invention to be figured out by culture or government. It was designed by Jesus to showcase Jesus - created by God to reflect His love for the church.
What Does the Bible Say About Marriage?
In Ephesians 5:21-32, Paul provides a blueprint for relationships that starts with a crucial foundation often overlooked. Before discussing roles for husbands and wives, Paul establishes the posture every Christian should carry: "Submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ."
This same design for marriage appears consistently throughout Scripture:
The consistency across Old Testament, New Testament, and Jesus' own words shows this isn't cultural opinion - it's God's unchanging design for marriage.
The Foundation: Mutual Submission
What Does Biblical Submission Really Mean?
Biblical submission is often misunderstood. It doesn't mean "I'm less than you" or blind obedience regardless of circumstances. Instead, biblical submission means "I'm choosing to use my strength to serve." It's a posture of humility, not inferiority - the same posture Jesus demonstrated when He washed His disciples' feet despite having all authority.
The key insight is that submission flows from reverence for Christ, not fear of the other person. Both partners submit to Christ first, then to each other out of that shared commitment.
How Do We Practice Spirit-Generated Selflessness?
Pastor Tim Keller described the Christian principle in relationships as "spirit-generated selflessness" - not thinking less of yourself or more of yourself, but thinking of yourself less. This transforms the starting point of healthy marriage from "fix them" to "Jesus, fix my posture."
The Pattern: Christ-Like Sacrifice
How Should Husbands Love Their Wives?
Paul gives husbands a clear model: "Husbands, love your wives as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her." This isn't a suggestion - it's the standard. Christ's love was:
This kind of love creates safety, not anxiety. It helps someone flourish and become more whole with Jesus, not more wounded.
What About Balance in Relationships?
Healthy relationships work like a seesaw - both people need to be engaged and moving. When one person consistently carries all the weight while the other only consumes, the relationship becomes unsustainable. While there will be seasons where one partner carries more due to illness, stress, or grief, love shouldn't become a one-way drain.
Two important questions to ask regularly:
The Purpose: A Gospel Picture
Why Is Marriage More Than Romance?
Paul reveals that marriage points beyond itself to something bigger - Christ's covenant love for His people. Marriage is designed to be a living picture of the gospel. The question isn't just "Are we happy?" but "Do people see Jesus through our marriage?"
As Dietrich Bonhoeffer wrote: "It is not your love that sustains the marriage, but from now on, your marriage that sustains your love." We often get this backwards, thinking marriage exists to make us happy rather than understanding that marriage has a sacred purpose bigger than our daily moods.
What Makes Marriage Built to Last?
Marriage is a covenant - first with God, then with another person. When we understand this, even when happiness dips, love can actually deepen because the purpose transcends our feelings. This is what "holding fast" means - staying connected through covenant commitment, not just emotional highs.
Important Clarifications
Does This Passage Permit Abuse?
Absolutely not. Christ-like headship is never harsh, and biblical submission is never coerced. If someone is unsafe emotionally, spiritually, or physically, this isn't a "try harder and endure" moment - it's a "get help and bring it to light" moment. God's design for marriage always includes safety, respect, and mutual care.
Life Application
You can't eyeball your way into alignment in relationships. Just like hanging a picture frame requires proper tools - a level, measuring tape, and pencil - healthy relationships require Christ as the standard and foundation.
This week, choose one Christ-centered rhythm to implement:
Questions for Reflection:
With humans alone, healthy marriages are nearly impossible. But with God, healthy marriages are more than possible - they're designed to reflect His perfect love to a watching world.